HURTFUL CHILDREN AND THE PARENTS WHO LOVE THEM
Are you suffering with your children? Do you not even recognize the little beasts lately? 'Welcome to Zombie World" MEANING people who have dead feelings. Who don't react normally. Who are cold. Who can hurt others badly and not even know they did it as they're numb.HEADLINE NY TIMES,23 SCHOOL SHOOTINGS this year so far and it's ONLY MAY
Here's the way out of zombie land. First, do not be a busy parent. Be with the kids every moment of the day that they are not in school. DISMISSIVE, BUSY parents have 'hurry' running through their veins and are really not present, enjoying each moment in time. They are like overseers in a factory. Not fun people. No ABUNDANTLY FEELING moments get lived.
Second remember that our children are NOT HERE to LOVE US, GIVE US LOVE, PLEASE us or MAKE OUR LIVES GREAT OR GIVE them MEANING. Nor are they A PUNISHMENT in the classic sense of the word although they will rip your heart out but this 'punishment' is your very own, much to be your "growth path". They are sent to you as LEARNING DEVICES. We're talking about you EVOLVING. And all this time you thought it was about them learning something. No. They don't get their chance to learn about reality and heart and kindness until they are parents.
Kids give a deceptive JOY at first. They're born cute as buttons and you look down on that little, blind as a mole puss and immediately that first hour, they AWAKEN all the latent tenderness in OUR HEARTS. They continue to arouse that blinding affection for the first 3 years --by being adorable, cooperative little cherubs from heaven. (I think Nature designed that cuteness so you wouldn't throw the baby away but also it's a Darwinian device to help first time parents bond with each other. It's bonding time. Or the male would probably end up clubbing and roasting the woman.)
Then the next 7 years, the child will lead us into having high hopes for their futures and we become 'civil engineers' trying to better society so it's ready for their arrival. We participate (on their behalf) in all kinds of clean-up-the-city groups or teams!
ALL THAT was great fun, but a steady diet of candy isn't good for Mom and Dad. Now, SUDDENLY the children cross into the zone where they are anti-social, nose thumbing, truant pests. They test our patience, our lucidity and send us PRIMALING into the depths of our own 'stuff.' (grief, pain, rage and a hefty re-triggering of a sense of our blame and worthlessness,)
NOT TO WORRY. ALL THIS is good. This stage actually is much better for you than all those, sweet CANDY YEARS. If you had to PAY a professional GURU to get your heart to open, it would have cost you thousands not counting the air fare to INDIA.
If you had to pay a psychologist to awaken your charisma, your political and civic side, full of POSITIVE HOPES for the future, thousands.
If you had to pay some liberal, political activism group its annual dues to make you an activist citizen. Hundreds.
If we had to pay a gestalt or primal therapist to rake through your rage and grief, that would have cost you thousands!
YOU SAVE ON ALL THOSE EXPENSES having TEENS!
THE END result is you will arrive at OLD age, educated, philosophic, tender & feeling, delivered from the dark passions, ego humbled, all washed, laundered and pressed flat ready to meet St. Peter and be a decent SOUL to live in heaven and become an angel and earn your wings.
But that day is still far off. You're still trapped in the spin cycle getting pounded by that tennis shoe thumping in the dryer. . I know it hurts, but HURT is good. Folks only PROGRESS thru hurt.
All an experienced parent can do is tell you what will make it easier.
1). Remember. There are unfeeling people (we'll call them ZOMBIES) out there. They are rude, unfeeling, violent and lash out cruelly. Their parents turned them into that by being distant, cold and brutal.
2.) Zombies will hurt you. That's what they do. Pain and Suffering is all they know and all they can do or give.
3.) Don't blame yourself, even if you were the parent or one half of the PARENTAL UNIT, the "cut off from feelings" Mom or Dad that turned YOUR kid into that rude zombie. Self-BLAME is useless. Blame is a death blow to yourself. REPENTANCE and VOWING to never repeat that injury to another is the path out and no blame is involved. Acknowledging is different from blame. Blame says 'GOD PUNISH ME." Acknowledging responsibility and vowing to reform says "I will not repeat that error." Right away a door opens, a path extends from your feet now, into a golden future.
4.) Remember that right now in the spiral of evolution, we live on zombie world! It is not yet planet Earth. Evolution progresses slowly. How long do you think it took that lizard to get spikes on his back? Generations of having tigers jump on him provoked the spikes. A thought produces a bud produces a flower.
We're in our planetary infancy. A mere 500 years ago a King named IVAN the Terrible killed a whole Russian city, every citizen in it, Novorosk-- suspecting the citizens of having rebellious thoughts. He burned, roasted, impaled... and made his own family sit and watch the mayhem for the weeks it took. Justinian invited 30.000 progressives into the stadium, shut the doors and had them all killed. Kissinger and Pinochet invited the same number into the Stadium in CHILE and had THEM all killed. See "MISSING" with Jack Lemmon. So killers are still among us.
During the Renaissance, entire villages "pogromed" the Jews in Europe. The Catholic Church burnt millions who didn't want to join the Christian Club, (in Italy and Spain.). 50 years ago, the German Christians gassed millions in death camps. In Africa during the last few decades, soldiers raped and killed millions. In Rwanda the gov forces joined in the killing. Ditto Guatemala, Chile, El Salvador. Horrible genocide upon one's brothers, usually a slightly more primitive tribe. The fact that 'advanced societies' sat by and let it happen makes us colluders.
So we're living on zombie world. Man's efforts to evolve away from having a dead heart in a walking body are slow.
The systems that our geniuses devise to improve ourselves may work briefly at first. A new broom sweeps. But in the long run, the institution carrying that flag becomes twisted. Christianity was great while it was in the Catacombs but it didn't work long. Catholicism flared up then petered out. (No pun intended)
Psychedelic drugs worked as a KINDNESS tutor but as they were used so briefly, we only saw the first flare up, in the ANTI VIETNAM activist movement but they were legislated against real quick as in ZOMBIE WORLD, the path to getting well will be legislated against and the suffering institutionalized. (Psych Pharm being the kosher path not herbal pharm.)
Right now, the planet is floundering. It needs a new, hot Spiritual magic mushroom or we're back in the moral dumps, in evolutionary backwashes with IVAN the TERRIBLE, only he's your KID this time. Don't just suffer, don't just stand there, invent something that is like a path. A religion, maybe. It just took one man to invent the "BE NICE" religion, Christianity and one to invent the "GET OVER IT " religion, Buddhism.
A single Mind healer like Carl Jung, Sigmund Freud, Art Janov or Frederick Perls invented systems that work to reveal, explore and finally curb the dark side of the personality.. Gandhi invented a political path, community activism against supressive colonial rulers.. It's always one man who says ' don't just get dragged through the mud, let's try putting a wheel on this wagon.' So don't stand there complaining. INVENT SOMETHING! What have you got up your sleeve?
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