The TOO CHARITABLE, GENEROUS ( REPENTANT SINNER ) SYNDROMEThis "GIVE IT ALL AWAY" syndrome whether time, love or money---is much more common than we imagine. It's where the GENEROUS person has some suppressed, hidden memory of guilt so strong from his own past (and this could even, hypothetically be in a past lifetime, another incarnation,) that in current life, they tend to cut people way too much slack, be too generous. They give of themselves almost religiously. They are penitent sinners in fact.THEY ADOPT dangerous outsiders, creeps, moochers and end up getting 'taken' or hurt.
Christian values try to tell us that no amount of charitability and generosity is too much. I'm not so sure. Recently an ONLINE used book vendor didn't notice my e-mailed order of 7 books on a FRIDAY just before a weekend. By Monday she got to it. She told me she was so repentant that she hadn't noted my letter Friday and so she was sending me the books for free.
I immediately wrote her back and said you have unresolved childhood guilt issues. I'll pay for the books, let's talk.
I told her of an old Dr. Pat Allen rule which I observe scrupulously in my life....even NOW when it's too late. It is this: that a good man GIVES and a good woman takes! Men abhor women who think they can buy his love with big gifts, tickets to events. Never call a man either. Do not shower anything on a man, ever. When he's great, giving, care-taking, give LOVE, affection, praise. End of story.
There's a wonderful novel by prize-winner LEON URIS called QB VII about a Nazi doctor who did terrible crimes in the concentration camps. Once out of Germany, he goes to London and becomes a charity doctor. The man gives every hour of his day to the poor, taking no money. Expiation, no doubt about it. Uris created a character like himself, a Hollywood screenwriter who writes up the doctor's story, indicts him and the doctor sues him for libel. At this point in the screenplay of it, not the book, we see the life of the writer, his mistresses, alcohol, sin, his cheating on his wife, he's a real loser. The novelist sitting in judgment was worse than the Nazi is the novel's point. I think.. I only saw the Mini Series made of it which caused a stir as the screenwriter had found that theme in the novel. In the furor it turned out Leon Uris had not made the writer a bigamist. The screenwriter who adapted Uris' novel was a bigamist himself. So that the subtext of the Mini-Series became 'sin is ok as long as the sin is little stuff, not murder.'
But that's when I learned about too scrupulous, guilty conscience ex cheats. Now I wonder why I didn't take the vendor's offer of free books. What am I guilty about?
OTHER REASONS WE GIVE OURSELVES AWAY:
IMPULSE CONTROL, JUGGLING, RUNAWAY CREATIVITY
LACK OF SELF LOVE
ART JANOV says "COMPULSIVE BUSY-NESS is the opiate of the pained person". DITCH THE PAIN he says.
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